HoTHeAdsPikEn

If you have to watch porn to do anything with me in going to be mad. I think if you have to do that then you don't like the idea of even trying if you have to get turn on by watching that shit first. It's so sad to me. This is a mess

I want to be touched again. I think it will be hard after what I was told but regardless of that I want to feel human contact and soon. I miss it 

Sometimes dating apps are dangerous. You know you use it so why lying about it. I'm afraid to do anything with you and I know I'm a fat ugly guy that doesn't understand why still wants to have sex with you. My shit is fucked up. I'm going to bed. 

I called yesterday while being emotional. Just received a text with hopes of a call that never came. I think I need to stop this sort of hurts now. 

I'm starting to love him again but I'm afraid very afraid. 

I need someone who fits my needs but that's something unattainable maybe just someone who can put stuff on hold and make me feel special then better yet someone who can take me out once a month at least. I need love but the kind I need it's hard to find. I had it once and I destroyed it but it wasn't all me because I was left alone so my mind changed yet it's my fault I guess but at the same time it's not. 

I really don't want anything to do with him anymore. I don't like how he makes me feel but at the same time I do. It's so hard to do this again. I think a friendship is possible for sure and maybe some "games" because I feel like can trust him with that but other than that I feel like being alone is the way to go. I'm almost 29 and I don't feel like being tied down is the way to go. I care about him but I don't like how I feel around him. He is just so different than me and his precarious situation won't change and I feel like he wants me to get him out of it when I can't. I'm not a savior I'm just a regular guy trying to make it just like him. At least I can enjoy this weekend away from California. I need this so bad. I really don't want to comeback but I have to.  😭

I just looked into your eyes and felt awful. It was a sad and bad feeling. I have a feeling that you only came back because you have nowhere else to go and I'm just sick about it. I don't know exactly what this means but I'm not promising anything. Hope you know that. 

I don't get it. Why won't you call or anything. You begged and now nothing. I'm so confused and sad right now. 

How about don't. You are a complete asshole. Always!

What am I doing? Waiting for someone who will not call or come. Fuck him

I don't want it anymore. I just want to be over it 

I don't understand why he would say he would be around no matter what because obvious it's not happening so I'll I have to do is cry it out and it will go away. After that I can be alone without being sad. This hurts for now. I try calling, texting and I even send emails and no response so I'm all out of options since I can't show up. Im done I'm going to bed alone like any other day. 

I can't/won't beg this time. 

I don't get it. One wants you and begs for this and that and when I open up its like a big fuck you thrown at me. The other even though I was truthful doesn't give forgiveness. What am I to do? Find a new person to care about I guess.  This is insane to me though why waste your time pursuing to talk to me if you won't talk back. Guys are all assholes. 

A car has a bigger priority over me 🤒

Alone I should be 😰

So. I thought that things would be different but they are not. What's going on? I should go and do what would make me happy instead. 

I'm so sad today. I just want to sleep. I know the things were said by you maybe weren't meant otherwise you would be around me more. 

Today to say the least had been a bad day. After work I have to drive to meet someone to get their mentor session done so they can start driving for this company I work for. Anyways, the day turned sour thanks to an individual I don't really care much about but somehow his presence is there regardless of anything. I hope that after I leave work I feel better. That's what I am hoping.