Reeky

What he is going through I can't really understand. I mean I pushed him to do it. Finding out those horrible things hurts not because I can't find or do the same which I don't because I've never felt compelled not wanted to PnP, or have bareback sex with other guys just because I was depressed or alone but because deep down I've always wanted one guy to fuck me and make me feel good in aspects of life. I know what I've done to him is terrible and I want to fix it because I care and in my own fucked up way love him dearly. I feel like he has done more and try more things with those strangers then with me. I'm willing to do those things he likes now like PnP and maybe more bareback and other shit he might be into and not be scare anymore. I mean I was scared but I guess sometimes you have to put you fears aside and go with the flow. I'll change how I am the best way I can to make him happy even if I have dislike certain things. I mean I'm hard to understand and have a lot issues. Some body issues and other things. I just don't think much about me and he reminds me every time of that and he is right it's hurts regardless but I try to put on a brave face as if it didn't bother because you have to keep going no matter what. I'll do it this time I'll be happy once and for all if in allowed to if not then I'll be a drifter and single because this love ordeal is too scary.